I say "deciding to carry to term," but there was no decision that really needed to be made. Our child was alive. She had a heartbeat and I could feel her moving all the time. Being pregnant is amazing--- yes, weird things happen to your body, but the fact that a woman can "grow" an actual person within her womb is an absolute miracle.
Being pregnant with the knowledge that your child will die is surreal. It made us learn to appreciate EVERYTHING. Every move she made, I cherished--- probably moreso than I would have if I was having a normal pregnancy. It made us take a look at our viewpoint on life and when it begins. We made plans to celebrate all holidays and incorporate our little monkey. Brent got her a Halloween costume. He pinned it on my belly at our Trunk or Treat on October 24th. We decided that we were going to make a "Baby Tree" filled with baby ornaments to celebrate Christmas. We decided that, DESPITE what doctors said, we wanted to bring our baby home to see her bedroom.
Yes, we planned to make her a room at our house. I know how it sounds, but I don't care. We were expectant, hopeful parents and making a room for a baby is what expectant parents do.
I learned that our baby loves orange juice and gets active right before bedtime. Brent felt her move for the first time early on a Sunday morning. I loved being able to share that with him.
With the lack of amniotic fluid came pain, too. With no cushion, I could feel her with every step. The doctors assured us that she felt no pain from this.
I spent my days crying---- but not too loud if I could help it. I didn't want our baby to think all mommy did was cry. We played her music. I talked with her a lot. I told her about how her dad and I met, how much we wanted her...etc. I probably looked like a crazy woman talking to myself in the car, but, again, I didn't care.
I remember thinking how hard it was just to get through the days. We still had over 3 months left until her due date-- she was due January 25, 2010. She was born October 31, 2009---- 3 months early.
Being pregnant with the knowledge that your child will die is surreal. It made us learn to appreciate EVERYTHING. Every move she made, I cherished--- probably moreso than I would have if I was having a normal pregnancy. It made us take a look at our viewpoint on life and when it begins. We made plans to celebrate all holidays and incorporate our little monkey. Brent got her a Halloween costume. He pinned it on my belly at our Trunk or Treat on October 24th. We decided that we were going to make a "Baby Tree" filled with baby ornaments to celebrate Christmas. We decided that, DESPITE what doctors said, we wanted to bring our baby home to see her bedroom.
Yes, we planned to make her a room at our house. I know how it sounds, but I don't care. We were expectant, hopeful parents and making a room for a baby is what expectant parents do.
I learned that our baby loves orange juice and gets active right before bedtime. Brent felt her move for the first time early on a Sunday morning. I loved being able to share that with him.
With the lack of amniotic fluid came pain, too. With no cushion, I could feel her with every step. The doctors assured us that she felt no pain from this.
I spent my days crying---- but not too loud if I could help it. I didn't want our baby to think all mommy did was cry. We played her music. I talked with her a lot. I told her about how her dad and I met, how much we wanted her...etc. I probably looked like a crazy woman talking to myself in the car, but, again, I didn't care.
I remember thinking how hard it was just to get through the days. We still had over 3 months left until her due date-- she was due January 25, 2010. She was born October 31, 2009---- 3 months early.