Tomorrow will be FIVE YEARS since we received Kailee's fatal diagnosis. HOW in the world is that even possible? I have had so many emotions just floating around in there. I work at an elementary school and this year's beginning of school has affected me more than I'd like to admit. Seeing those little backpacks begin school, knowing that Kailee would be 5 this year and we would be starting Kindergarden next year.......... I have to stand back and THINK about that. My kid would start SCHOOL next Fall! That's ridiculous.
Most people don't say anything about Kailee anymore. The focus has turned to my boys--- as it should be. My boys are alive, they're vibrant, they're troublemakers, they're beautiful, they're stubborn, but most of all---- they are very best of friends. Colson takes care of Lucas and Lucas takes care of Colson. I always wonder what it would be like with Kailee thrown in there.
Tomorrow begins a 7 week span of time that I have a VERY difficult time walking. September 15th to October 31st is always the toughest time of year for me. It's been made easier by my little guys, but my heart still aches for the one who isn't here.
I sat down to read Job earlier this month. I did a Bible study shortly after Kailee died on this book of the Bible with a study guide called "Holding onto Hope." One verse really stood out to me, and during times where I'm bawling in the car again, this verse has been ringing out in my head.
Job 2:10 Job answered, "You sound like one of those fools on the street corner! How can we accept all the good things that God gives us and not accept the problems?"
God has given me SO MANY good things. It's easy for me to accept them. My husband, my children--- all THREE of them--- they are good and they are all from God. My human brain has so much trouble processing why my child died, but I don't think that's something I'm supposed to understand. I got to hold her and kiss her and touch her. Our time was limited. But--- with that said, isn't all our time limited here? I only get to hold my boys a limited period of time too. Only He knows how long that is. Kailee's time was just much, much shorter.
Please keep my family in your prayers over the next few weeks. This is the hardest time of year for us. Our sweet girl is about to celebrate her 5th birthday in heaven.
Most people don't say anything about Kailee anymore. The focus has turned to my boys--- as it should be. My boys are alive, they're vibrant, they're troublemakers, they're beautiful, they're stubborn, but most of all---- they are very best of friends. Colson takes care of Lucas and Lucas takes care of Colson. I always wonder what it would be like with Kailee thrown in there.
Tomorrow begins a 7 week span of time that I have a VERY difficult time walking. September 15th to October 31st is always the toughest time of year for me. It's been made easier by my little guys, but my heart still aches for the one who isn't here.
I sat down to read Job earlier this month. I did a Bible study shortly after Kailee died on this book of the Bible with a study guide called "Holding onto Hope." One verse really stood out to me, and during times where I'm bawling in the car again, this verse has been ringing out in my head.
Job 2:10 Job answered, "You sound like one of those fools on the street corner! How can we accept all the good things that God gives us and not accept the problems?"
God has given me SO MANY good things. It's easy for me to accept them. My husband, my children--- all THREE of them--- they are good and they are all from God. My human brain has so much trouble processing why my child died, but I don't think that's something I'm supposed to understand. I got to hold her and kiss her and touch her. Our time was limited. But--- with that said, isn't all our time limited here? I only get to hold my boys a limited period of time too. Only He knows how long that is. Kailee's time was just much, much shorter.
Please keep my family in your prayers over the next few weeks. This is the hardest time of year for us. Our sweet girl is about to celebrate her 5th birthday in heaven.
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