I am in my 18th week. I can hardly believe it. Lots of new things have been happening this week. I returned to work, which has been really good it seems. I am very excited to have my own office and desk this year. (Last year I sat at a child's desk with a stool which wasn't the most comfortable of environments). I have also started feeling "real" baby movements.
Let me explain. The only movement I have ever felt was Kailee's movement. Kailee wasn't ever able to move like a normal baby because of the lack of amniotic fluid. For the past few weeks I have been feeling the butterfly movements from Cole, but yesterday was the first day I felt different. The only way I can explain it is to say it feels like a balloon is being stretched out and he's slowly pressing his feet in the same spot. This happened throughout the day yesterday. It was pretty amazing.
At the same time, it also makes me sad to realize that Kailee didn't have the room to move around like that. I am going to take this as a good sign that Cole has a lot of room to move around and play!
Our level 2 ultrasound is this Friday to measure the amniotic fluid. I can say I'm not afraid, but I would be lying. Despite all the good signs, I am absolutely terrified the same thing will happen again. Kailee's official diagnosis was Turner's Syndrome which only affects girl's, but I'm really afraid that the Turner's Syndrome wasn't the cause of the kidney issues. Let me just say we have been given no information to make us think this, but it's just another fear that I live with.
I went to Kailee's grave on Thursday. When I pulled up, there were two little baby deer lying down near her grave. They were so cute and it made me cry. It brought me back to the day of the funeral when those 3 deer led her funeral procession into the cemetary.
I find myself crying more and more often lately. I'm not sure if it's hormones or maybe even just the fall season approaching. The fall season is such a reminder of Kailee and all we went through last year. It probably has a lot to do with just being scared about this ultrasound on Friday, too. Heck, truthfully, it's a mixture of all of the above.
For those of you praying, please pray for an uneventful week that moves quickly, and a normal ultrasound on this Friday the 13th.
Let me explain. The only movement I have ever felt was Kailee's movement. Kailee wasn't ever able to move like a normal baby because of the lack of amniotic fluid. For the past few weeks I have been feeling the butterfly movements from Cole, but yesterday was the first day I felt different. The only way I can explain it is to say it feels like a balloon is being stretched out and he's slowly pressing his feet in the same spot. This happened throughout the day yesterday. It was pretty amazing.
At the same time, it also makes me sad to realize that Kailee didn't have the room to move around like that. I am going to take this as a good sign that Cole has a lot of room to move around and play!
Our level 2 ultrasound is this Friday to measure the amniotic fluid. I can say I'm not afraid, but I would be lying. Despite all the good signs, I am absolutely terrified the same thing will happen again. Kailee's official diagnosis was Turner's Syndrome which only affects girl's, but I'm really afraid that the Turner's Syndrome wasn't the cause of the kidney issues. Let me just say we have been given no information to make us think this, but it's just another fear that I live with.
I went to Kailee's grave on Thursday. When I pulled up, there were two little baby deer lying down near her grave. They were so cute and it made me cry. It brought me back to the day of the funeral when those 3 deer led her funeral procession into the cemetary.
I find myself crying more and more often lately. I'm not sure if it's hormones or maybe even just the fall season approaching. The fall season is such a reminder of Kailee and all we went through last year. It probably has a lot to do with just being scared about this ultrasound on Friday, too. Heck, truthfully, it's a mixture of all of the above.
For those of you praying, please pray for an uneventful week that moves quickly, and a normal ultrasound on this Friday the 13th.
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