Today was the dreaded first day back to work. I surprised myself with very few tears. I got up, got ready and kissed my son goodbye. I got into my car and thought I would lose it. I didn't. It surprised me. I thought about this through the day. It actually bothered me that I didn't sob because I was leaving him. After thinking about it, I realized that I could leave Colson because I knew I would be seeing him again. I think my perspective changed when we lost Kailee. When I said goodbye to her, it was so final. When I said goodbye to Colson this morning, I knew I would be back in a few hours and that made me happy. Perspective..... It's all about perspective.

As I sit here tonight to write this post, I can tell you exactly how I felt this time last year on this very day. I was angry and sad. Why, you ask? Last year on this day I got my period meaning that I wasn't pregnant from my previous cycle. It was yet another blow that brought on waves of hopelessness that we would have a child to bring home. Little did I know that April 2nd would be a wonderful date that I would cite over and over for the next 9 months through all of our doctor visits. April 2nd is a wonderful day.

Today has been wonderful too. I have laughed more today than I have in a long time. Colson is sleeping through the night. He wakes up in such a great mood in the mornings. He's hungry for new experiences and smiles and laughs at his momma. He's excited about everything. I walk around and it's like I'm seeing things for the first time. I'm looking at the world through his eyes and it's such a curious place. He has no knowledge of pain. He has no knowledge of death or dying. He has no knowledge of anything that can hurt him. He lives in the moment. This moment.

Tonight he was playing under his activity mat. He was concentrating so hard on hitting a parrot with his little hand. Nothing else mattered except what he was trying to accomplish in that moment. I might be teaching my son a lot, but he's teaching his momma too.