I've been thinking a lot about grief lately-- for obvious reasons. It's crazy how one day I can be fine and then the next I just break down. Today is one of those breakdown days. There's not really anything that triggered it, I just feel incredibly sad and empty today. It started this morning while I was getting ready for church. I saw a little outfit for Kailee that was still laid out on our dining room table. My first thought was "It's not fair that she won't ever wear that little outfit!" Then came the anger and then the tears. Why did it hit me this morning? That outfit has been in that same spot for the last 6 weeks and I have never reacted like that before.
Someone compared grief to the ocean tide. Some days the water comes up higher than the day before. Dealing with grief doesn't mean I will get better everyday that passes. It's more of a one step forward, three steps back kind of thing for me. It's frustrating because I expect myself to just "get over it" sometimes. I was thinking this afternoon about that. I will NEVER "get over" losing Kailee. It will be with me for the rest of my life. I imagine that it will hurt for the rest of my life, too, though not as much as more time passes. A part of my heart is in heaven, and I will never get it back.
Someone compared grief to the ocean tide. Some days the water comes up higher than the day before. Dealing with grief doesn't mean I will get better everyday that passes. It's more of a one step forward, three steps back kind of thing for me. It's frustrating because I expect myself to just "get over it" sometimes. I was thinking this afternoon about that. I will NEVER "get over" losing Kailee. It will be with me for the rest of my life. I imagine that it will hurt for the rest of my life, too, though not as much as more time passes. A part of my heart is in heaven, and I will never get it back.
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