I've been feeling guilty for laughing this week. Isn't that insane? Laughing feels so out of place, but there it is. That's good. I love to laugh! Mostly, I love to make others laugh. I'm glad this part is coming back, even if I do feel guilty about it. Kailee wouldn't want me to be sad all the time---- so I won't. On good days, I'm going to laugh, and on bad days, I will go ahead and cry.
I was talking with a child this week who has faced tragedy as well. This child is incredibly sensitive to tears of others who are sad. I found myself telling her that tears do more healing than hurting. That is very true..... I can not even begin to count the number of tears that I've shed over my Kailee Bug..... I know there will be AT LEAST that many more through my lifetime, but I picture God's thumb coming down from heaven and wiping each tear away. I am not alone. I've never been alone, and I will never be alone. That's a comforting thought to me.
I've had a song running through my head the past 48 hours that I really love. It's called "I Will Carry You" by Selah. It was written by a mother whose baby was diagnosed with a fatal illness during pregnancy and chose to carry her full term. Here are the words:
There were photographs I wanted to take
Things I wanted to show you
Sing sweet lullabies, wipe your teary eyes
Who could love you like this?People say that I am brave but I’m not
Truth is I’m barely hanging on
But there’s a greater story
Written long before me
Because He loves you like this
So I will carry you
While your heart beats here
Long beyond the empty cradle
Through the coming years
I will carry you
All my life
And I will praise the One Who’s chosen me
To carry you
Such a short time
Such a long road
All this madness
But I know
That the silence
Has brought me to His voice
And He says…
I’ve shown her photographs of time beginning
Walked her through the parted seas
Angel lullabies, no more teary eyes
Who could love her like this?
I will carry you
While your heart beats here
Long beyond the empty cradle
Through the coming years
I will carry you
All your life
And I will praise the One Who’s chosen Me
To carry you
How beautiful it is to think of God carrying ME while my heart beats here.... just as I did for Kailee. It's an incredible song with an incredible message. To think about the fact that God CHOSE me to carry her gives me chill bumps. I wonder what I'm supposed to learn from this or who I'm supposed to help.... I'm glad He chose me to carry Kailee all her life. It was an honor.
I was talking with a child this week who has faced tragedy as well. This child is incredibly sensitive to tears of others who are sad. I found myself telling her that tears do more healing than hurting. That is very true..... I can not even begin to count the number of tears that I've shed over my Kailee Bug..... I know there will be AT LEAST that many more through my lifetime, but I picture God's thumb coming down from heaven and wiping each tear away. I am not alone. I've never been alone, and I will never be alone. That's a comforting thought to me.
I've had a song running through my head the past 48 hours that I really love. It's called "I Will Carry You" by Selah. It was written by a mother whose baby was diagnosed with a fatal illness during pregnancy and chose to carry her full term. Here are the words:
There were photographs I wanted to take
Things I wanted to show you
Sing sweet lullabies, wipe your teary eyes
Who could love you like this?People say that I am brave but I’m not
Truth is I’m barely hanging on
But there’s a greater story
Written long before me
Because He loves you like this
So I will carry you
While your heart beats here
Long beyond the empty cradle
Through the coming years
I will carry you
All my life
And I will praise the One Who’s chosen me
To carry you
Such a short time
Such a long road
All this madness
But I know
That the silence
Has brought me to His voice
And He says…
I’ve shown her photographs of time beginning
Walked her through the parted seas
Angel lullabies, no more teary eyes
Who could love her like this?
I will carry you
While your heart beats here
Long beyond the empty cradle
Through the coming years
I will carry you
All your life
And I will praise the One Who’s chosen Me
To carry you
How beautiful it is to think of God carrying ME while my heart beats here.... just as I did for Kailee. It's an incredible song with an incredible message. To think about the fact that God CHOSE me to carry her gives me chill bumps. I wonder what I'm supposed to learn from this or who I'm supposed to help.... I'm glad He chose me to carry Kailee all her life. It was an honor.
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