This means 2 more weeks until he is considered full term! Isn't that awesome!
I want to write today about how it feels being this far along after a loss. I am enjoying every part of getting ready to welcome Colson. I love washing his little clothes and blankets. I love watching my belly move as he clocks me from the inside. All of these things are wonderful and I love celebrating him, BUT a small part of me wonders if he is still really coming. If we really will be able to bring him home and take care of him. It sounds like a completely irrational thought at this point---especially when you consider the fact that he could be born today and survive, but after a loss, you always worry. I've come to believe that's normal. I will worry if he's alright on the day he's born, I'm sure. But I'm okay with that.
Sometimes it feels like I'm putting on a mask talking with other people. The sheer emotional aspect of this whole process has made me into a very unpredictable person at times. A lady I didn't know asked me about this pregnancy recently. She asked if it was my first and I told her my usual response.... "It's my 4th pregnancy, and hopefully the first one we'll get to bring home." She smiled politely and said, "Well did any of them get this far, or were they just miscarriages?" I told her I had 2 miscarriages and a stillborn. Her response??? "Well, God didn't mean for you to keep her then." How am I supposed to respond to that? Seriously? I'm writing about this interaction, not to make you mad as a reader, but it really hurt me that she said that. It makes me rethink everything I have ever said to anyone in a grief situation... I've come to the conclusion that people feel they have to say SOMETHING, and most of the time people ARE supportive and helpful..... but that 2 percent of the time someone says something like that really sticks with me and makes me want to thank God that he has given me the ability to be compassionate towards others in similar situations.
I want to write today about how it feels being this far along after a loss. I am enjoying every part of getting ready to welcome Colson. I love washing his little clothes and blankets. I love watching my belly move as he clocks me from the inside. All of these things are wonderful and I love celebrating him, BUT a small part of me wonders if he is still really coming. If we really will be able to bring him home and take care of him. It sounds like a completely irrational thought at this point---especially when you consider the fact that he could be born today and survive, but after a loss, you always worry. I've come to believe that's normal. I will worry if he's alright on the day he's born, I'm sure. But I'm okay with that.
Sometimes it feels like I'm putting on a mask talking with other people. The sheer emotional aspect of this whole process has made me into a very unpredictable person at times. A lady I didn't know asked me about this pregnancy recently. She asked if it was my first and I told her my usual response.... "It's my 4th pregnancy, and hopefully the first one we'll get to bring home." She smiled politely and said, "Well did any of them get this far, or were they just miscarriages?" I told her I had 2 miscarriages and a stillborn. Her response??? "Well, God didn't mean for you to keep her then." How am I supposed to respond to that? Seriously? I'm writing about this interaction, not to make you mad as a reader, but it really hurt me that she said that. It makes me rethink everything I have ever said to anyone in a grief situation... I've come to the conclusion that people feel they have to say SOMETHING, and most of the time people ARE supportive and helpful..... but that 2 percent of the time someone says something like that really sticks with me and makes me want to thank God that he has given me the ability to be compassionate towards others in similar situations.
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