Easter 2010

I had no idea that Easter would be hard. Honestly, I really didn't think it would be that big of a deal. All I could think about the whole day was that Brent and I should have been "the easter bunny" this year. Where did that come from? I didn't worry about that around Christmas. I think part of why it is so hard may be that all my friends who have had babies in the last year keep posting pictures of their babies with their cute little Easter outfits and holding little easter eggs.

There it is. Jealousy, plain and simple. I am incredibly jealous of everyone who is pregnant and everyone who has babies. I am trying so hard to be content with what I have. I love Brent. I love our life together. Kailee is missing, though. She will always be missing from my life.

We have an appointment tomorrow with the genetic counselor. I'm not sure what we'll be talking about, exactly, but I do know that the regular doctor recommended it now that I've had another miscarriage. They won't start really testing until I've had 3 miscarriages. Kailee "doesn't count" because we know why she died. That has put a bitter taste in my mouth---- why should ANY woman have to go through at least 3 miscarriages before someone will start trying to find out what's wrong? Seriously? Whoever made up that rule never suffered a pregnancy loss- I guarantee it.