The important thing is that I did it. I went out and spent time with friends and...... guess what........ it was actually fun. Shhhh... don't tell anyone. :-) I'm so used to being insanely sad all the time that it felt good to be happy about a newborn. It was good, too, that I actually WANTED to hold him. I was afraid that feeling wouldn't ever come back, but it did.
I am so apprehensive about Christmas. Christmas scares me. When I even think about the actual holiday, tears fill my eyes. This Christmas we were supposed to have a baby. Our first baby would have been born at the beginning of August if I hadn't miscarried and I still would have been pregnant with Kailee if things were normal. We would have been getting last minute gifts for her for Christmas and preparing her room. I think that's why Christmas strikes fear in my heart when I think about it.