We SHOULD have a baby by now. We SHOULD have Kailee. I should be holding Kailee RIGHT NOW instead of just constantly thinking about her and writing about her. Her room should have already been completed and in use! I should be on maternity leave. We should be celebrating Valentine's Day with our little one. Friends and family should be over here to celebrate our new addition. So many things SHOULD be happening right now that just aren't. Instead, I'm sitting at home by myself. Today is an angry day. I'm angry at the world. I'm angry at anyone who moves or even breathes. I'm angry at all the people who get to have babies. I'm even angry with God today. It's February 1st. We were definitely supposed to have a baby by today.
I didn't know that the changing of the months would affect me this much. I am bitter. I am. I'm pissed that I have to worry about getting pregnant again instead of taking care of my daughter. I've done ENOUGH worrying about getting pregnant. That part should be over! I should be at the good part by now! I know anger is normal.... I've been expecting it. I'm not sure if it's better than being deeply and profoundly sad or not.
I didn't know that the changing of the months would affect me this much. I am bitter. I am. I'm pissed that I have to worry about getting pregnant again instead of taking care of my daughter. I've done ENOUGH worrying about getting pregnant. That part should be over! I should be at the good part by now! I know anger is normal.... I've been expecting it. I'm not sure if it's better than being deeply and profoundly sad or not.
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