While I've been doing this, there has been a lot of loss going on around me. Good friends have lost pregnancies; acquaintances have lost pregnancies. God recently connected me with a woman who has lost her little girl. I feel for her so much and know there's nothing I can do to make it better. I live in a world where babies die. There's no explanation sometimes and no warning, but babies do die.
I am trying to cope in the best way I can. Sometimes that means loving that I feel sick to my stomach 24/7 right now and sometimes it means that I just take a moment, close my eyes and remind myself that-- no matter how much I want to be in control, I'm not. Control is just an illusion. Given the choice, I'd rather God be in control, obviously, but sometimes I wish He would let me see the end result.