It is now 11:46pm on Saturday night and I can't go to sleep. When lay down, all I think about is that night in the hospital again. Weird how I was so worried about Christmas---- thinking it would be worse than any other day--- turns out that I'm just as sad no matter what day it is.
We finished painting the trim on Kailee's room this weekend. It's so beautiful! When I start to freak out, just walking in her room calms me down. We need to put up the cute little wallpaper border. Baby furniture is ordered and should be here in the next month or so. It feels good to be doing this for her. I can feel her presence around me. On Christmas day, I was taking a shower and looked up to see a ladybug on the windowsill. It made me smile.
Brent and I read a chapter in one of our grief books this week. It talked about how a person needs to take time to take care of themselves while grieving. It struck home because we have been feeling selfish for taking this time. I guess this is an important time to be selfish.. There were examples in the book of people who didn't take this time and it their healing was just put off for months or years.